Attention!

California citizens:

Be advised that you can now sleep safely in your government-provided containment units. The valiant forces of the Los Angeles Police Department, with assistance from the FDA and the CDC, verily smote the perfidious criminal conspirators, whose dastardly manufacturing and production of raw goat milk without the glorious golden ticket/permit so threatened the vitality of the Californian Ministry of Tranquility.

Where the heck is Willy Wonka when you need him? Do you think the Oompa-Loompas would put up with this crap? They would “disappear” the LAPD in some chocolate river, while singing a catchy little ditty.

Has the LAPD really run out of gangs, other violent criminals, and pedophiles to pursue?

More importantly, isn’t there an outbreak of Ebola or Hantavirus somewhere for the CDC to contain?

Sounds like overcapacity to me.

Only in liberal Los Angeles does it suck to be a health-conscious hippie.

But damn, it feels good to be a “goatsta.”

Warning: The following clip contains explicit and offensive language: